


Invisibility Factor - No Balloon

by Lyzzardbrain



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Attempted Rape, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, invisible lesbians, thasmin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2019-10-08 05:57:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 10,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17380904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyzzardbrain/pseuds/Lyzzardbrain
Summary: What if Thasmin has been happening all season, but no one notices.  How would they know. That’s all womany private stuff. It just sort of goes on. They don’t put up a balloon or anything.Or Yaz helps the Doctor learn to live as a woman. Rating will increaseRape non/con is for attempted sexual assault of the Doctor by random creeps in chapter two





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yaz and the woman in a suit have a connection. Later, Yaz helps with a desperate situation.

Finally having a chance to do something more important than settle Parking disputes PC Khan wanted to make sure she did everything right. She maintained the right level of friendly professionalism meeting up with her old school mate Ryan. She calmly took control of the chaotic situation on the train, at least until the giant ball of electricity showed up along with a drop-dead gorgeous woman in a three piece suit. 

Whoever suit-lady was, she was taking control, and deglfinately not following procedure. 

Yaz had to take control back, so she politely approached her. Yaz knew about misgendering, between her confident gait that could broach a swagger and her unisex clothes she was one ball cap away from being told “sir, this is the ladies toilet”. 

But when she tried to engage with the woman who fell from the sky, she didn’t hear the defensiveness that might come from a trans man self conscious of his voice and small hands, but genuine confusion, as if this person had never been called ma’am before. “Why are you calling me ma’am?”. Perhaps because she was _such_ a woman - only a woman made Yaz’ heart race like that, Yaz’ reply was less nuanced than if she was scoping creepy pimps at the gay bar. 

“Because you’re a woman”

“Does it suit me?”

Somewhere in her police training was the ability to pull herself from lingering over checking her out again

 

But this strange woman didn’t just take over like a commanding officerr on a power trip, she worked with Yaz to find the best plan going forward. Yaz knew she was stuck between her commanding officers who were supposed to be in charge, and the mystery woman who clearly knew what she was doing. Yaz chose the woman. 

When that woman asked Yaz to turn on the sirens and lights for fun, a part of her questioned that judgement. At one moment as clever and astute as a police chief, the next, whimsical as a child, she had Yaz hook, line and sinker by the time they were back to take stock and a nap at Grace and Graham’s place. 

When the woman woke up from her nap and reformatted Ryan’s phone, much to his dismay, she shuffled as the phone started its reboot. “Can I use your toilet?”

“By all means, love, right down there”. Grace sent them off but was watching her grandson. 

Yaz followed her, to use the loo next and to make sure she didn’t fall again. “Yaz? You out there?”

“Right here ma’am.” She didn’t know what else to call her. 

“Could ya ‘elp me a sec”

Yaz walked in to see the suited woman with the fly down on her trousers, looking perplexed. “I’m not sure I remember ‘ow to do this”. She shifted from one foot to the other. “But I really need to.”

“Because you were a man before?” 

“And I’m not quite rebooted. Can’t figure it out. Please ‘elp”. 

The desperation on her face made sympathy override a desire to tease. This woman had just built some kind of super scanner screwdriver from scratch but couldn’t figure out how to wee. 

“Sit down”. Fully clothed she sat on the toilet.  
“This won’t work” she said with a nose scrunch   
Yaz smiled sympathetically. “Do like you would do to make a “ in a quiet, slightly embarrassed voice - like she was the one who would be embarrassed here. “Poo”. 

“Right Yaz! You’re brilliant! So glad you’re my friend!!!”

Yaz couldn’t help but smile at the easy praise.

The Doctor was hopping foot to foot now. 

“You’d best get on with it”. Yaz’ big sister energy came out. 

“Right” as the Doctor started taking off her jacket she handed it to Yaz. 

She was dancing again, cringing out “gotta hurry” as she undid the waistcoat - with another dance. 

“Suits are inconvenient for women”. She squeezed her legs together while throwing the suspenders off her shoulders. 

Finally she dropped her trousers and pants to the floor and sat on the toilet seat with relief. 

“Well that certainly feels much better. “. Yaz looked away to give her some privacy, though the blond hardly seemed concerned. When she finished, she seemed a bit awkward, not sure what to do next. Yaz had thrown the vest and coat over one arm and with the other handed her some toilet tissue. 

“Wipe front to back.” 

Happy to follow orders, the blonde finished up, and even managed to wash her hands. 

She looked into the mirror and saw the police officer behind her. “I think being a woman suits me well.”she smiled unselfconsciously. 

“I think so too” the younger woman responded with a grin, and they looked into each other’s eyes in the mirror. The length of the gaze added fuel to Yaz’s suspicion - ‘she’s a dyke, and hot to boot.’


	2. Creeps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor remembers, and learns first hand some of what it feels like for a girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning is for attempted sexual assault.

There were two days between Grace’s death and her funeral. Normally the Doctor didn’t stick around for the clean up, but this time she had a long range transport to build. After taking stock, she headed out the first day in search of supplies. 

She walked around Sheffield, years of experience taking her to the right shops for all the various bibs and bobs she needed. The Doctor had the same information in her brain, the same skill in her hands she had had for thousands of years. But everything was different. 

She walked into a small engine parts store and described the thingamaboop she needed. Rather than find it, or tell her where to get it, the store clerk walked her to the correct section, while second guessing it was the right part, explaining things like she couldn’t understand how engines work. 

He put an arm around her shoulder and casually touched her breast. The Doctor jumped and threw his hand off her. “That’s all for me thank you.” She gave a scornful glance at his wedding ring and dropped correct change on the counter before walking out. 

She’d be lying if she said the incident had no effect on her. Tim Shaw has done something similar saying she shouldn’t stick her nose in things that didn’t concern her. 

Ultimately her shopping list kept her going to DIY shops all over town. Every shopkeeper assumed she didn’t know what she was doing. 

Needless to say, she was frustrated and angry as the experience repeated itself. A man behind her on a crowded bus didn’t have a sonic screwdriver in his pocket that seemed to poke her uncomfortably. 

She turned to him in a loud voice. “No thank you, I’m not interested in a sexual encounter with you right now. I’m still figuring myself out.” She suddenly had a seat to herself. His defensive reaction as the other bus riders chastised him led to three other men accusing her of being a bitch, oversensitive, and worse. 

She grabbed food from a grocer and worked into the wee hours of the morning. 

Earth had been here home away from the Tardis for many years, but she had never felt so unwelcome. Around one in the morning she went walking to clear her head. 4 different men offered to have sexual relations with her as they returned home from the bar. She tried to be polite, gently turning each one down. She didn’t know what this body might be attracted to yet. 

She had helped one young man back to his apartment, and he had taken that as an invitation, pushing his lips against hers, getting angry as she disengaged. She left feeling sick. 

The Doctor had heard companions and friends talk about how they, as women, were sometimes treated. She never felt it first hand before. 

What she hadn’t anticipated was how it affects a person. Had she over reacted to the man on the bus? Was it an accident? Was she somehow inviting sexual advances? 

She walked to a park near where the stenza tech had first appeared. She watched the stars and tried to understand her new circumstances. 

She was utterly alone in the predawn darkness on a hill overlooking Sheffield. She had grabbed an old blanket from the warehouse she had claimed. In the cool quiet of the night, looking at the stars she remembered. 

She remembered who the doctor had been. She remembered how much she thought she knew when she first stole the Tardis. She remembered the people she had travelled with. 

For the first time she thought about how he had echoed Sarah Jane’s excellent questions so they would be heard. She remembered the brilliant Elizabeth and how credit for her ideas could so easily fall on him. 

She remembered destroying her world three different ways. She remembered how dead he was inside when he met Rose, and how she loved him back to life. 

She remembered not being the last time Lord, but watching him destroy her beloved planet as Martha, ever loyal travelled the world to save it. 

She remembered the Doctor Donna, the metacrisis, and Amelia Pond who would never leave the centurion who guarded her for two thousand years. 

 

She remembered their daughter, River Song, dying the day they met. 

She let her mind wander where it will through centuries of their love and loss, how brave and strong she was from the beginning, how scared and flustered and aroused he was the first time she kissed him.

On a dark lonely night on a hill overlooking Shefflield she remembered. She noticed how her body reacted, and she allowed the waves of emotions to wash over her. 

She remembered Missy, the long years in the vault, the friendship they shared despite everything, transcending regenerations and genders. 

Who would the Doctor be? She knew this much - she’s here to help however she can. She carries all these people inside. She had once been the timelord victorious. She could not be alone now, for whe never wanted that again. She remembers that she fought a war for a thousand years - and for a thousand years in one place he forced himself to keep loving and making friends to keep him honest. 

She remembers wondering if she was a good man, and deciding to be one. She will be kind, she will be fair. She will love. 

She decided that she will love. She saw the love Graham and Grace shared, knowing it may not last long. 

She remembers compassion on Yaz’ face, compassion for Graham and Ryan in their grief, for her even in the silliness of adjusting to a new body.

She remembers her steady hands, helping her navigate a three piece suit. In that memory somewhere the Doctor feels a spark of arousal. She kindles it with curiosity for a moment. She is coming home to herself. This body is capable of being sexual. She smiled, she hadn’t missed it in her last form, but the connection she craved now would bring its own benefits. 

The sun was rising over the hills, and a young man struggled with a bicycle on the next hill. She recognized Ryan and quietly watched him in his noble struggle. Fighting so hard to learn. She needed people like him in her life. She didn’t get the butterflies she felt considering Yaz, but she would be honoured if Ryan would travel with her. 

Despite all the time she spent with him on their adventure, he hadn’t made her feel like the men she had met doing her work, who saw her as less than because of being a woman. She decided to ask him about that and walked towards where he practised on his bike. 

“Look at you Ryan Sinclair. So determined. I was wondering? Am I sending some signal that I’m looking for a sexual partner?”

“Phhwhoah. Whot?”

“I’m not sure who else to ask. Ten men have offered to have sex with me today, some more graphically and forcefully than others.”

“Fuck! Blokes can be asses. I’m sorry Doctor. Are you OK? Did they ‘urt ya?”

“One of them will have a painful few days. I’m always fine. I’m just not used to it. I’m not used to being treated like I don’t understand. “

“I know, it’s like when folks think my black skin makes me dangerous. Gran taught me a lot about how to survive. To be the better man. She’d have helped you, she was right pissed with the whole “me too”. It seems to happen to a lot of women. I’m sorry mate. “

The Doctor wasn’t sure if it helped to know that it not. Ryan got a text on his phone and replied. “That was Yaz. She wants to talk to you. She’ll pick you up here. 

Yaz pulled up in a cruiser. “I’m sorry Doctor, there’s been a complaint. I need to bring you down to the station.” 

“What!!”Ryan cried.  
“I’ll take care of her. It’ll be fine”. Yaz said, even as she put cuffs on the Doctor and sat her in the back. 

**to be continued <**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That turned a bit at the end


	3. Eyes to see

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yaz examines the Doctor, with much entirely unnoticed flirting under the gaze of the hardened misogyny of the police force

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is much flirting and handcuffs but also racist sexist bullying.

Yaz turned back to the Doctor. “ I’m really sorry about this. Some guy said you broke into his flat and assaulted him. I know the jerk, he’s got a rap sheet for sexual assault and a habit of complaining about the police not taking him seriously. 

The Doctor seemed to be enjoying herself immensely. “Getting booked by Yaz! Never done that before”. Yaz smiled. The Doctor didn’t even seem put out by being arrested. 

“Have you been arrested often Doctor?” Yaz was smirking in the mirror. 

“Perhaps, but this time is special”. The Doctor replied coyly. 

“Why do you say that?”Yaz was humouring her now. 

“It’s our first time. “. Yaz was starting to feel like this was more of a first date than a booking. 

“Doctor, are you flirting with me?”there was a sparkle in her dark eyes. 

“Is that OK?”the Doctor was suddenly shy. 

“You’re an interesting character Doctor.”  
“Thank you. “

Upon checking her ID, the commanding officer chastised Yaz. and apologized to the Doctor. “I’m so sorry we had to bring you in like this Madam. I’m sure we can settle everything in no time.

The Doctor peered at her psychic paper. It showed a high level Unit clearance as she would suspect. 

“Officer Khan was effective and efficient. I was involved in altercation earlier this morning.” The Doctor waves at the young man she had helped back to his flat earlier. 

“I had offered to help him get back to his flat as he was quite intoxicated. I hope you’ve given him some ice” she pointed at his groin. “We had a misunderstanding about the help I was prepared to offer. He asked for help with a swelling in his” she looked disdainfully at the offending region, “pants and tried to force me to provide that help. I kneed him in said part then exited the flat.”

The senior officer led the Doctor to their examination room. “Officer Khan, will you examine the suspect for evidence?” 

“Yes sir” Yaz replied, a bit too gleefully after their flirtatiousness in the car. “Doctor would you like a second officer present?” 

“Just you would be fine, quite fit, I mean fine.”

Yaz took a deep breath to clear her head. “Please remove your clothing except for your undergarments.”

The Doctor actually did a bit of a striptease, slowly removing each article while Yaz tried not to giggle or stare. The Doctor was being quite silly. Whenever her CO peaked in they were all business. There was telltale bruising on the Doctor’s upper arms which Yaz carefully measured. When brown hands touched milky skin a jolt passed between them and they locked eyes for a moment. 

“Doctor, should we send you to the hospital for a rape kit?” 

“No, my arms are the worst of the damage. I’m really unharmed. “

“Are you?” The Doctor’s lip quivered for half a second that Yaz certainly didn’t miss. “It’s alright to not be alright. There doesn’t have to be rape for it to be traumatic. ”. The Doctor nodded not trusting herself to speak. The past few hours were taking a toll. “I’ll be off when we are done. Shall we go for brunch? “

“I’m not being held?”  
“Not by the Hallamshire police.”

“By you?”

“Do you want me to?”

It was playful flirting, nothing more, but the women had picked up on their shared sapphic inclinations, and were easing the tension of the situation. They were both being seen in a world where they were usually invisible. 

When the Doctor was dressed again, Yaz looked down shyly for a second. The Doctor touched a hand to hers. I’m actually a bit shaken up. I could use a h . .” The door opened and the senior officer walked in. 

“Later” Yaz mouthed.

The CO came back in. “I don’t know who up in brass has sent you here “Doctor”, or why, but I’ve been getting bloody calls all day. This isn’t London, and our boys don’t take kindly to this PC bullshit. You tell Lethbridge-Stewart to stick to her knitting, and you stop making trouble. “

Yaz was on the verge of tears, which the Doctor picked up right away, but he didn’t notice. This wasn’t her local CO, but someone out of Manchester. “There was video footage from that bus of you stirring up shit, and we don’t need it. “ He turned to Khan. “Burka,weren’t you supposed to be on parking duty? Or sniffing out terrorists at the mosque?”

The Doctor found her voice. “You better believe Kate will hear about this. Yaz is brilliant . . . “. A hand on her arm stopped her. 

Yaz steely voice intoned “is she free to go SIR?” He nodded. “I’m finished for the day as well if I am dismissed.” He nodded again. 

The Two women walked out together, briskly heading to Yaz’ own car. They drove a block away out of sight and pulled over. They were both shaking.

**hurt/comfort to come.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Darker than I was intending.


	4. Portuguese Breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thasmin fluff - with some coming out, and some hurt/comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry about Portuguese Breakfast. 
> 
> In Arachnids, the Doctor mentions liking something Portuguese for breakfast. Google delivered more than I bargained for. In case you are wondering - coffee and toast is apparently common morning food in Portugal. 
> 
> Maybe I’m just a prude - but oook it up or don’t - you can’t unknow it - but you’ll have to look it up yourself or ask your brother - your mom won’t know.

“Are you OK” the two women said in unison after Yaz turned off the car. “You first”. They tried again, and laughed giddy from the tension. When the giggling subsided, Yaz succeeded. 

“Age before beauty”. 

“You have no idea”

“How beautiful I am?”

“That too - how old I am.”

“You don’t look a day over 35”. And Yaz looked past the few laugh lines and into the Doctor’s eyes. “But you are - much older and alien.”

“Is that weird? I might be weird”. The Doctor scrunched up her nose in curiosity. 

“We’re all weird in our own way”. 

“And you really are beautiful”  
“Flirt. Stop changing the subject. Sounds like you’ve been through hell and back. “

“Today? I’ve been there before, sort of, with beings from the dawn of time . . . ?”

“Yep. Today”. Yaz could see how the Doctor was distracting herself. 

“I’m just not used to it. I knew from mah friends that women git treated strangely sometimes. I didn’t know how it could eat your soul until today. I was a man for . . . A long time. How could I not notice?”

“I think we learn to hide the damage, never let them see it’s gotten to us. Soon we hide it from everyone, even ourselves. “Yaz was deep in thought. 

“Never let them see the damage. That explains a lot. I think I took some damage yesterday.” Like on the bus, I was groped in the shops, whistled at, like “ the Doctor looked like she was trying to suck a lemon. “Like merchandise at a market”. 

“I know, right? It’s rubbish.”  
“So this is normal?”  
“Well, you learn pretty early how to quietly remove a man’s hand from your chest or your bum. Ignore the catcalls, keep your keys in your hand . . .”

“Yasmine Khan you are brilliant. I should be writing this all down!!”

“Well why do I feel like rubbish still?” She hung her head. 

“The damage is still there. Should we grab some breakfast? Feel better on a full stomach. I know this Portuguese place”. Yaz was taking a bit of a risk. The diner had built itself in the crass idea of “Portuguese breakfast” with suggestive names and a great variety of menu items based on scrambled eggs. It was good food, and a safe place where the men hit on each other and left the women alone. 

There was a bank beside the restaurant and the Doctor walked up to the machine and waved her sonic, and walked away with 100 quid. “Did you steal that?” Yaz was concerned the Doctor would get more police attention. The Doctor, smirking waived her sonic again and a receipt came out. “I did some work for the Queen, and I’ve had an account for a while.” 

Whoever and whatever the Doctor was, she had a lot of numbers in her available balance. 

“Which Queen?” Yaz asked as she sat down at a booth by the window. _We are the Champions_ started playing on the radio. 

“Freddie Mercury!!” The Doctor whisper screamed. “We’ll keep on fighting ‘til the end” they held up fake lighters and whisper-sang along, menus still untouched. 

The wait staff, a fully tattooed and pierced person whose gender was not apparent stopped by. “Coffee?” They stated flatly. “Tea for me - good post regeneration tannins”

“Doctor, you’re weird. Yes please on that coffee”

“Everyone’s their own kind of weird, remember?” 

“Do you need a few more minutes?”

“Yeah”. Yaz picked up the menu. 

The Doctor said “Portuguese breakfast, never had that before”. Yaz and the wait staff exchanged a knowing glance. While the Doctor read the menu, some of it out loud, Yaz mouthed “awkward” to their waiter, whose name tag said “thunder”. 

“I’m sorry thunder? Is that supposed to say “lion fruit?” It’s a lovely orange pear from the Declan system - didn’t know you could find it here”

Yaz mouthed “I’ve got this”

“No typo. It’s actually scrambled eggs with mayonnaise and a side of mixed fruit. I like it.”

“Loin fruit for both of us then.” The Doctor said brightly. When their server was gone the Doctor said in a conspiring whisper “I wonder if they realize how this could be a bit sexually suggestive - loinfruit”

Yaz spit out her coffee. “This whole place is one big innuendo - but they make great eggs. It’s a bit of a gimmick, but lots of queer folks and “weird people” eat here.”

“So I fit right in. I’m certainly weird. Still figuring myself out - but pretty sure I’m queer too. “ the doctor grabbed some toast from the basket that appeared on the table. She was trying to be nonchalant, but wanted to see Yaz’s response. 

Yaz saw her watching and smiled back. “I fit in too. Mostly like girls.”

“My friend Jack would love this place. He’s pan- and full of innuendos. Me, I’m lost. ImWhat’s the deal? Like the menu is all “eggs and semen” but not really. “. She scrunched up her nose, looking a bit disgusted. 

“Are you sure you want to know before we eat? Like the food is what it says - scrambled eggs with mayonnaise, that one has those little Portuguese sausages on the side.- they’re actually pretty good - and they use beef sausage so I can have them - but Portuguese breakfast is slang - and sort of gross if you ask me. 

“I’ve got a strong stomach”. Yaz handed over her phone open to the Urban Dictionary definition of “Portuguese Breakfast”

“I see”. The Doctor replied with another nose scrunch. “So you allergic to pork or something?”

“No, I’m Muslim. And yes, I’ll eat pussy but not pork.” Yaz watched the wheels spin, and the Doctor threw back her head laughing.

“Yasmine Khan that’s a brilliant line. Look at you figuring it out - defining your faith for yer-self, no one else’s playbook.” Yaz released a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. 

She’d had to defend her faith more in the queer community it seemed sometimes than her sexuality at the Mosque. More often than not she was held up as a model of modesty and chastity because she didn’t chase boys like her sister. When she explained that she liked girls, the older women would just tut.

“You haven’t met the right boy yet. He’ll sweep you off your feet. You’ll see. “ But not her mother. She understood. Najia Khan just wished her lonely daughter would have someone warm her heart. Unfortunately that meant her mother questioned her about every friend she mentioned. ‘I’m pan but picky mother’ she would say. 

“Are you religious, Doctor?”   
“My faith is love and hope in humanity. The universe is vast. We need fellow travellers with us to keep us honest, help us see the big picture. I love the ritual of religions, spent time in a catholic monastery, been on walkabout in Australia, each religion is beautiful, but can be twisted to harm. 

When their food came they ordered some of the fried little sausages to share. 

The sausages arrived as they were finishing up their eggs, but a text came in from Ryan. ‘Can you guys come over? Graham needs some help.’

They got the sausages to go, dumped money on the table and headed straight (queerly direct as Yas said) there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What’s wrong at Graham’s? Will this flirtation go anywhere? Thirteen needs a bra.


	5. Team and Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor and Yaz work together to break up some family conflict, then go on their first date. (Contains challenge fic of first date. )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaz and the Doctor to the rescue. Got caught up in fic week but I’m back now.

Yaz drove to Graham’s place while the Doctor related their text conversation with Ryan. Any hint of flirtation, if it existed, was gone as they related as colleagues. 

“Some relative of Grace and Ryan is being very difficult, and it sounds like things are getting pretty tense. 

Yaz queried “should I call for backup do you figure?”

“It don’t think so, but Graham is pretty upset.”

Walking up to the O’Brien- Sinclair house, Yaz and the Doctor did a bit of a dance. The Doctor and Yaz we’re both used to being the first into a dangerous situation. Yaz took charge. “I’m a cop, this is a classic domestic, and I go on them all the time for a reason. I’ve got this”

The Doctor felt her heart in her throat. She trusted this woman already, and more. She was stood just behind Yaz, close enough to see the hairs on her neck. 

Yaz continued. “Step back please Doctor.”

The Doctor moved back slightly. 

“Thanks. I need to concentrate” Yaz flashed a quick smile to the Doctor who blushed ferociously. Yaz rolled her eyes. And knocked assertively. 

Ryan opened the door and brought them in. In a quiet voice he explained “my aunt Jenna is having a hard time with all of this. She’s Nan’s oldest child, and she never liked Graham. Doesn’t want him at the service. 

A woman emerged from the kitchen. She certainly looked like a a younger version of Grace. Until she opened her month. 

“Ryan, Who are these strangers, this is a time for family.”

“This is Yaz, an old school friend of mine. The Doctor was there when Nan died, she’s why Graham and me are still here.”

“Well I’m glad you’re still with us Ryan. “ 

Yaz stepped forward at that moment. “We’re all here because of Grace. Let’s all, just for today, treat each other like she treated you. You may not be family to each other, but you were all family to her. 

Jenna, Grace’s daughter, was visibly agitated, fidgeting and huffing. Yaz prepares herself for non- violent (hopefully) conflict de-escalation. 

“ Don’t go thinking you folks are sitting with the family. We’re letting Graham stay here for the time being, but you folks are strangers in our home. “

The Doctor stepped in “I know this is so hard for everyone. Let’s be the best we can for Grace. “. The Doctor looked pointedly at Graham, who seemed understandably upset at the veiled threat to his housing. 

“Yaz, can you talk with Jenna and understand what they hope for from tomorrow. I’ll talk with Graham. Ryan and the other grandchildren will plan their tribute. 

With some hard work, and police negotiations, and time lord diplomacy, the details of the service were agreed upon, basic details about the ownership of the house and how it was to be administered was reached and an understanding achieved that they would co operate on the estate. That work done, Yaz and the Doctor prepares to made their exit. 

Yaz checked in with the Doctor. “Would you join me for dinner before my shift?” both women spoke in hushed tones outside the O’Brien’s washroom. 

“That sounds marvellous Yaz. I’m afraid I don’t have anything to change in to. 

“You’ll be fine, we’ll go somewhere hip enough that “worn out oversized suit” will pass as chic. I mean we need to get you some new clothes, but there’s not enough time before my shift.” 

“To get me out of my clothes?” The Doctor asked impishly, to test a theory. Yaz blushed and looked at her feet. ‘Hypothesis confirmed, Yaz likes me’ the Doctor thought to herself. “Is this a date then?”

The women were walking towards Yaz’ car. The younger woman regained her cool quickly. “If you want it to be?” She replied nonchalantly. 

“Good” The Doctor grinned. “I left all my money at lunch. She shrugged. 

“You left 500 quid for a £25 brunch?” 

“I loose track of inflation rates. Better than the other way around, leaving 80p for brunch. Did _that_ not too long ago. Super embarrassing for everyone.” She grinned again, her new favours expression. 

“Thai food on me then.” Yaz smiled. 

The Doctor became the soul of chivalry, taking Yaz on her arm as they walked into the restaurant; as she graciously held doors and pulled out chairs. Despite herself Yaz enjoyed the flattery. Whoever else this mysterious woman was, she was classy. It was quite a switch from the manic energy of their adventure with Tim Shaw. 

When given an established social script the Doctor could play it well, if she knew it. And thanks to centuries of coaxing and training with River Song, the Doctor could do “a date.”

She still had all the skills of her previous faces, whether Eyebrows skill for deduction and guitar, or the chin’s novice knitting talent and battlefield ingenuity. 

But how it all fit together was new. Unlike Eyebrows, she felt an irrational desire that Yasmine Khan like her. So rather than ignoring the deductions flying through her brain faster than she could voice them, she used them as tools to draw the young woman out in conversation. 

Her order was Hillal, but she didn’t ask for clarification, so whether it was habit or personal conviction, it was hard to tell. At sunset, the young woman stepped away from the table for a moment, actually joining several others in an unused banquet hall. 

When she returned to the table, the Doctor casually asked how she knew where to go to pray the Magharib. Slightly surprised at the often scattered woman’s skills of observation, Yaz replied “the waitress on the other section and one of the dishwashers are women I know from my mosque.”

The Doctor smiled gently. “You are something else Yaz, strong, clever and thoughtful.” Not just flirting, the Doctor was also evaluating. Once she got her Tardis back she would need people to travel with her. So far, Yaz seemed perfect, if she was willing. 

As they walked out of the restaurant, their hands hung close together. Taking a chance, the Doctor let them touch for a second. Yaz didn’t pull away, so the Doctor smiled, hooking pinkies together. 

At the car, they turned together and the Doctor held both of Yaz’s hands. 

The Doctor waited until she held Yaz’s eyes. “Thank you for a lovely evening Miss Khan.” Yaz smiled and nodded. “Thank you Doctor.”

Yaz headed in to work on red bull and Adrenalin,as the Doctor practically skipped back to Ryan and Graham’s to sleep before Grace’s memorial. She successfully wiped the grin off her face before joining her hosts for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will this relationship go anywhere? Can Yaz help the Doctor get  all  her clothes? How will forced time away from home affect Yaz?
> 
> More to come on this fic. When do you think Thasmin kiss for the first time?


	6. Mammary containment building tension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor doesn’t know how to talk about her new body parts. But she loves trying them out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been missing writing this fic. It’s getting steamy

While Graham and Ryan continued to greet family and friends, the Doctor pulled Yaz aside by the bus tubs in the hall. 

“I’m having some, girl, lady, type troubles.”

Yaz reaches into her bag for a spare pad, assuming that was the issue. The Doctor scrunched her face in thought for a moment then shook her head. “I forgot about that but no, that’s not it right now.”

Yaz grabbed her by the hand and pulled her to the foyer. The Doctor shook her head and pulled further “Maybe your car?”

Seated in the privacy of the car, the Doctor kept flapping, looking for words. “I’ve never been a woman before. I don’t know how to start.”

Yaz mind started racing. What could the Doctor want? Help finding descent clothes, fixing her golden tresses? Oh heavens did she want sex advice? That would be awkward. Yaz was not very experienced in that department. 

“Yaz, we’re friends now. Girlfriends right?” “Ummm, we went on a date, I’m not, umm, is this what you talk about, if we are dating, or, it’s a possibility, we did just meet, I like you,” Yaz smiled sheepishly. Let’s start again, she thought. 

“What did you want to ask?”  
“You are female, I am female. We are friends, from that moment, and breakfast this morning,both safficly inclined I’d guess, which is beside the point, we’re not quite seeing each other. Ok. My question.”

The Doctor started flapping her arms, then rubbed her neck, then grabbed her chest. “Ummm, I was a man before. I don’t know how girl- women talk about their rac- ti - boo - lactation tissues, but I believe I need, Ahem. I need, to. Ummmmm under garment, umm “ finally whispering “a brassier”.

Yaz bit her cheek to keep from laughing. “Let’s go bra shopping Doctor. It’s not many women’s favourite, but best to do it right the first time.”

They drove to “Bra Necessities” and a lovely clerk named Gillian worked with the Doctor, full of respect and dignity for everyone she served, which is why Yaz always worked with her. Gillian spoke to Yaz, assuming Yaz must be a caregiver for the eccentric blonde. 

It wouldn’t be the first time Yaz had brought a woman with nothing but the clothes on her back around town to get back on her feet. Some domestics were a battle of wills among equals. Some meant a woman had to run with nothing. Yaz was a sucker for hard luck cases. 

Yaz was just as glad not be commenting on each bra. Their previous conversation had her _flustered_ and staring at this eccentric woman’s breasts in lift and separate bras might just reduce her to a helpless puddle. 

Just then Gillian stepped out. She’d like your opinion. Yaz steeled herself, accepting the sympathetic look, Gillian had no idea she was a lesbian and Yaz thought it might be best to keep it that way. She was lovely, but quite clueless about women whose breasts were not toys for a man. 

The Doctor was wearing her boots, dark socks, black pants, suspenders, and a bright red corset. When Yaz’s eyes got stuck at the cleavage, biting her lip, the Doctor laughed “River had that affect on me in one of these, but she had a lot more of “this””. The Doctor squeezed her breasts, looked at Yaz’s and reached out as if to touch them and seemed to think better of it. “Like you”. 

Next she put on a lacy thing that looked itchy. “Yaz, this one itches. Faster than Yaz expected the Doctor switched bras to a sensible wireless sports model that suited her B cups nicely. 

“Gillian didn’t like this one, said it didn’t show off “George and Gracie” as she named my. . .”  
“Breasts. Just say breasts.” Yaz was slightly exasperated, or aroused she couldn’t tell which as they were fuelling each other. 

The Doctor started doing jumping jacks. This keeps them from bouncing. That’s the problem. That’s why I need an “over the shoulder boulder holder.”

“Oh Doctor we will watch a bunch of chick flicks until you are comfortable talking about your body. 

Take what you need Doctor, probably two or three, different or the same. Or two styles.”

Yaz paid for two real sports bras. Yaz stepped aside to use the toilet, and the Doctor discovered she could use the “tap” function with her sonic for the corset Yaz likes so much. Some day that could be a nice surprise. Later. 

Yaz emerged from the toilets. “The boys are almost done at the hall. Let’s go check in with them.”

The Doctor was falling hook line and sinker for Yaz. She couldn’t believe she’d almost groped her breasts while comparing them to her mostly late wife’s pair. ?pair. No, she was understanding how women and men saw these lumps of tissue so differently. 

Yaz was buzzing with arousal. Her tongue was becoming unreliable. That may be why she offered to help get the doctor out of her clothes. 

With the three of them offering opinions and suggestions in the thrift store they weren’t sure what would emerge. Some of the time Yaz was in with her, and in the crowded space they brushed together a fair bit. Yaz was getting a touch squirmy. So was the Doctor. “I’ve got it” The Doctor said. “Leave and be surprised with the others.”

And like something out of a the Advocate or Gay weekly the Doctor’s image emerged. Yaz knew right away. Quirky. Just like her, I like it. 

Back at the warehouse they finished the transport. While the men went for food, Yaz walked the Doctor into a corner. She’d be damned if the doctor would leave without a kiss goodbye. 

Yaz marched a willing Doctor to a hidden corner. “You have been pushing at my buttons, winding me up all day”

“Haven’t you been?” The Doctor replied. With no more words a gentle kiss turned to a full on snog, hungry tongues roaming hands, a full appreciation of Yaz’s bra and its contents. Just as the underpants came into question the men walked in. Quickly pulling themselves together they emerged with some equipment they would be needing later. If they looked disheveled, Ryan and Graham puit off to the engineering before them. 

They ate their last meal together with a quiet blend of grief from the men, and bittersweetness from the women. The Doctor had, in their frenzy whispered to Yaz earlier that she would definitely take her away in her box. Yaz thought it was a euphemism, but her grief at the doctor’s impending departure was tempered with her promise to return with her ship and box to show her. 

When the four of them found themselves on Desolation, Yaz was hit with gut wrenching homesickness, and grew quickly to resent the Doctor. She kept up a good front around the men, but they didn’t kiss again for quite a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaz will be getting very homesick. Someone will see past the cloak


	7. Desolated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor halts any ohysical relationship with Yaz. Angstrom explains invisibility.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some angst ahead.

Just when they thought they were loosing the Doctor they found themselves thrust into a whole new adventure on Desolation. 

As they travelled by boat across the sea, the men went to sleep and Angstrom disappeared below decks to fiddle with the ship. The Doctor looked ready to join her but Yaz grabbed her suspenders. 

“Hey you I thought maybe we were in the middle of something earlier” Yaz whispered suggestively in her ear. 

“I . . . Not right now. I’ve got to get you home. This , . . wouldn’t be right. “ the Doctor cocked her head to the side. “I’m sorry. I just can’t”

The Doctor headed down to Angstrom before she could change her mind. Yaz followed a moment later. She found the women sitting at a galley table, chatting about the contest and the ship. 

“Y’ellow - mooman Yaz” Angstrom spoke amicably. Pull up some bench. Yaz sat by the Doctor who scooched away. It was imperceptible, almost. Compared to how their hands were tangled in each other’s clothes but Graham and Ryan hadn’t noticed. But Angstrom caught it right away. 

Softer, gentler than they’d heard her speak before all she said was “lovers quarrel?”

Yaz’s tears pricked her eyes but she blinked them back. 

“We just met a few days ago, and I accidentally brought her with me. I can’t, I’m her ride home. I’m too dangerous.”

“Mooman, you’ve got a good one there. Lots of captains - lads and lasses both’ll take your passage from yer vag. I know it feels heartbreaking though.”

“You, you noticed us.” The blokes we’re with walked in on us and have no clue . . .”

“The invisibility factor. As long as men are generally more powerful, they don’t see women like us as a threat. We are totally outside of the power game most people play with sex. Our relationships tend to hold little meaning for us unless we do. The people who truly love us see it, eventually, if they care to. 

We see it in each other. We need to see each other. “

Angstrom looked far away. “Since my wife died I’ve vanished. It’s good to be seen again. Travel hopefully. “

Angstrom went to find a place to sleep, and the doctor decided to putter with the ship. Yaz, overwhelmed with the emotions of the day and a massive lack of sleep sobbed herself into fitful rest in the mess hall. When she awoke the next morning she was wrapped in a blanket and the Doctor’s coat. 

She tried again to entice the eccentric woman to mess around when she was the first awake. Truth be told the Doctor had awoken something within her that didn’t want to go back to sleep. 

Again the Doctor apologized for getting her lost, and said the power between them was all wrong. Yaz understood in her head, but her heart still cried. 

Later that morning Angstrom shared how her wife had died at the hand of the Shinzzon. She and Graham commiserated for some time. 

Yaz truly felt for the Doctor and her desperate desire to get them home. When the monument, didn’t appear st first, it was fear for the Doctor that troubled her more than fear of not getting home. 

Once Angstrom was gone, while the Doctor worked with her sonic, Graham talked about how Angstrom had lost a partner to the shinzon as well. “He was a lucky bloke, her husband. “ Graham had said. 

“Wife, I’m sure she said wife” Yaz added. 

“Now don’t go reading stuff in. Not every girl with short hair and a leather jacket is one of them dykes on a bike.”

Yaz didn’t want to argue, and supposed it didn’t matter. He went on, as though afraid he’d insulted her “not that all girls with leather jackets are that way, I didn’t mean it like that, or that there’s anything wrong with that kind.”

“What kind? Graham? “ Yaz was vaguely amused by his stammering. She had been out as bi to her friends and family for years. and was a face of the diversity club in her secondary class. She assumed everyone knew. She was wrong. 

“We’ve known ya for years. Yaz snogged Danny Biswas” Ryan added, as if it settled something. 

In a second Yaz was invisible again, invisible pan, invisible dyke. Thankfully the men didn’t notice when the Doctor held up her magic wand and said “come to Daddy”, Yaz suppresses a moan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrong stops ahead and the tensions they bring. Expect a bit of awkward bedsharing, some thirsty and pining Doctor and Yaz


	8. In the void between the Galaxies. .

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hurt and comfort because Yaz is homesick. We learn a bit of why Najia Khan is worthy from a hug at first sight from the Doctor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short interlude for their time trying to get home.

Yaz was missing home. She adored the adventure, but every time they stepped out of the Tardis on a strange world, she ached. 

There had been nothing she wanted more than to be taken seriously as an adult, yet here she was, sniffling into her pillow for her mum. 

There was a light knock on her door. She wiped her eyes, fastened her robe and opened it to find the Doctor with a tea tray. 

“Yaz, could I join you?”

Not trusting herself to speak, Yaz opened the door. The Doctor sat on one chair in the small seating area in Yaz’ room and Yaz took the other. 

“Ya were brilliant today Yaz, so brave and selfless. Hat little girl has a hero for life.”

Yaz nodded, still biting back tears. 

“You know Yaz, you can tell me anything. You seem so sad. “ 

As much as the Doctor could talk incessantly, being with Yaz grounded her. And right now Yaz needed to be heard. 

“It’s silly Doctor, I’m not a little kid.”

“Little kids are brilliant before us grown ups make them forget the truth. Anything big enough to upset Yaz is worth talking about.”

Yaz murmured something, but at the Doctir’s look of genuine concern she spoke clearly “I miss me mom, Ok? Me nosy, loud, shoot from the hip mum. “

“Yaz, beautiful brave Yaz. I know. I miss me mum some days too. Would you take a hug from an old granddad?”

“Graham?”  
“I can get him if you want, but I was thinking me. “

They hadn’t touched this closely since leaving Earth, but it was fully platonic. The Doctor gives the best hugs. Yaz crumpled and cried her pent up tears. Over their shared tea, Yaz told the Doctor about the incredible woman who had raised her. She told the Doctor about how her mother had already figured it out when she came out to her, and had loved her through the heartbreak of her first crush’s homophobic response. 

“Yaz’s mum sounds like a wonderful woman, and she’ll have her daughter back soon, you wait and see.”

The Doctor stayed in Yaz’s room until she was asleep. When she returned to the solace of her own room the tears of remorse overtook her again. Whatever it takes, she would bring this beautiful girl home. She knew already that she had fallen hopelessly in love, and her heart was broken that the officer who wanted more didn’t actually want to travel through time and space. How hard Yaz worked on all the misadventures just to make things better for strangers might just make her one of the best people she’d ever met. 

The Doctor had to get through to the Tardis that they needed to go home. They’d find others to travel. 

The next morning they were on Earth but it was Montgomery in 1955, and the Doctor thought she might see Yaz, who once had eyes only for her, drifting closer to Ryan and out of her life forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will Rymin rise? Will sharing a bed change things between Yaz and the Doctor?


	9. Prophets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The prophets are the ones who are what’s real. Many truths are seen some acknowledged. Set during Rosa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of angst for the Doctor

Yaz was on edge, Not as much as Ryan, but Montgomery had her on edge. She had lept to Ryan’s defence, but her brown skin gave her challenges too. 

Her Pakistani heritage was completely invisible. Columbus actually thought he was in India? It was embarrassing all around. 

Yaz was also hungry. She’s never complain like Graham but she was peckish for sure. And then she smelled it - heaven in the form of garlic. “Let’s grab some food from this deli”

Ryan and Graham waited outside to be sure they got food even though the telltale racist signs were missing. They had stacks of chicken beef and even lamb sandwiches and food for the next day too. The store clerk called out “salaam allekum” in a Yiddish accent, and Yaz replied “shaloam havarim” as the couple waved back at them. 

The Doctor wiped a tear from her eye. “That was beautiful. Graham, who had heard the final exchange agreed

“What did I miss?” Asked Ryan. “This is a Jewish deli, but the clerk probably the owner, saw my Islamic crescent pin and greeted me in a traditional way that means “the peace of God be with you” 

Graham, who was half listening but mostly eating replies through his food like a good Church of England boy “also with you”

The Doctor continued “and Yaz, brilliant thoughtful Yaz replied in Hebrew “ shaloam” which also means peace. Something we could use around here - real, deep peace. 

Yaz tucked in to her second chicken sandwich. Graham looked puzzled. “I thought you was a vegetarian Yaz”

“The Khan’s are Muslim “ Ryan defended his friend. 

“I try to keep Hallal, so no meat that isn’t prepared in a humane way according to my faith. Jewish kosher food is allowed if halal isn’t available.”

“So God would let you starve if there was no meat?” Ryan asked, more curious than accusatory.

“God is all compassionate. I haven’t starved, and I sure appreciate this now. It’s also nice to be seen as something other than Mexican. Caramba!”

They found and settled in to the hotel and got to work. Yaz and Ryan were sticking close to cover each other’s backs. Yaz was afraid she’d accidentally touch the Doctor, and Ryan worried too. Casual touches amongst their group could cause a lot of trouble in this place. Ryan avoided the Doctor all together so he wouldn’t get them killed. 

The Doctor saw the two younger folks sticking close together and feared she would loose her chance with Yaz. She had hoped to get her home quickly and then try to woo her from a place where she could safely choose for herself. Perhaps she had made a mistake.

The men were already snoring in one bed while Yaz prepared to bed down on the floor. “What are ya doin’ Yaz? Ya can share with me?”

There was a plead in her voice that didn’t go unnoticed by the officer. The Doctor tried to regain a semblance of propriety. “I need ya well rested for a busy day tomorrow. And I don’t know what might scurry across . .”

“Doctor it’s fine. Me and me sister share whenever there’s company or we go away. Despite what you’ve seen I’m capable of controlling myself. Or are you too big of a perv to keep from groping me with Graham right here?”

Yaz’s words still held a trace of bitterness, but she was honestly grateful, and might have snuggled in a bit when she heard the Doctors gentle rhythmic breathing. They were closer to home, but it still felt so far. Yaz still missed her family but by the stars she would miss the Doctor more. 

The Doctor cried out in her sleep. The normally larger than life heroine sounded small and scared. Yaz gently rubbed her back as she would with her sister. Yaz sat up for a solid twenty minutes while the nightmares passed. Whether she was still processing the creeps on earth before Grace’ service or something had happened since, the Doctor was processing assaults against her person. Perhaps she would share one day but for now all Yaz could do was vow to the sleeping woman to protect her the best she knew how. 

Yaz and Ryan found themselves hiding by the bins a second time when housekeeping came around. The maid had glanced suspiciously at the two messed beds. They snore. Both the Doctor and Graham had said, truthfully, together. 

“Fancy meeting like this again” . Ryan stated. 

“Don’t like this one bit.” Yaz had replied. “Do you recon we’ll be home soon?” 

“We’re the closest we’ve been.”

They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes. “Yaz, I’m glad we’re friends. I hope we don’t loose touch back home.”

Almost imperceptibly Yaz shifted. She was afraid it would get awkward, that Ryan might want to date, and her heart was firmly elsewhere. 

“I’m glad it’s not weird between us” Ryan continued. “You’re like a proper mate. I don’t have many of ‘em. So many girls want to date, some blokes too, but that’s just not me. “

Yaz visibly relaxed at that. “You’re the kind of best mate a girl like me needs. I’m not looking for a boyfriend, but I’m so glad you’re out here with me. 

After a giant bear hug they saw the Doctor give them the all clear. The Doctor thought she’d seen enough to know where Yaz’ heart laid but the truth was closer to home. 

For Yaz, the bus was a holy moment, the arrest of an innocent woman - like the prophets of old, being good, innocent in the face of evil. She would remember her role, the Mexican Muslim, Who kept her seat so Rosa would have to, her Jewish brother from the deli who it wouldn’t let her be invisible, and Rosa arrested in the footsteps of her prophet.

But Yaz had seen a bigger picture too. A new prophet, and she was smitten. She wanted to see her mother, but she would never choose to be anywhere but by the side of her Doctor. 

When the door opened on Sheffield she squealed with joy but the doctor’s heart was breaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is the Doctor ready for the truth? Is Yaz? What demons haunt the Doctor’s dreams?


	10. Dread

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dictor’s POV, fear of solitude, hope in Yaz

It had finally arrived. The moment she dreaded; the moment she had been working for. They were back in Sheffield. It was over. Their quirky little group would split up and she would be alone. 

Alone is what this incarnation seemed to fear the most. She feared being apart from Yaz, the one face this face trusted most. She swallowed her fear and out on her bravest face that would fool absolutely nobody, and braced herself for the million little rejections as her friends got home. Checking social media, contacting family. 

She kept the tears back. Never had they been so readily at the surface as with these new eyes. 

A voice from outside. “What will you do?”

She had to tell them she’d be fine. Good old Doctor always fine. I’ll be fine alone”. Somehow the idea gets across. 

“Come for tea at mine”. Sweeter words could not have been spoken. It wasn’t over, not yet. The void of emptiness in the heart of the Tardis in the depth of space was held off for a simple ritual of tea at Yaz’s. 

Was she socially awkward, or just nervous? Truth be told, she had handled Rosa Parks and Angstrom, Graham and Grace with aplomb, but Yaz’s family had her “going off on one”. She was smitten and she knew it. Yaz loved her family. She was falling for Yaz, so Yaz’ family mattered. 

Yaz had said so many wonderful beautiful things about the interminable Najia Khan that she felt she was meeting an old friend. That may be why she hugged her. Not as a substitute for her daughter. 

Straight (Bill would giggle at that, the Doctor was queer now, no doubt about it) to the point. Najia asked if they were seeing each other. The Doctor had put an end to that while they were lost. But the invitation to tea? Like water in the desert. “I don’t think so, are we?” Well this wasn’t the time for that conversation anyway. 

“We’re friends”. So there was some form of relationship between her and her beautiful companion. Friends are good. Friendship is amazing. They can be friends. 

Friends more than Ryan and Yaz were friends if Yaz’s tone meant anything. 

As the adventure wound up and it was getting time to say goodbye, the old dread returned. Off alone into the void. 

Again it was Yaz’ voice that pulled her back. “I want more, more time with you”.

Those words jolted through the Doctor’s heart, gut and deeper. 

The team wasted little time moving in, but Yaz’s words more than the others echoed in the Doctor’s hearts. After everyone said their good nights from the console room, after doors had shut and each person prepared for sleep, the Doctor padded out of her own room in red plaid slippers, pyjama pants and an oversized t- shirt to knock on Yaz’ door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Perhaps some uwu for Valentine’s Day? I know this isn’t living up to E rating so far, but patience is a virtue.


	11. A Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stomachs in freefall? valentine uwu?

The Doctor’s stomach did flips as she waited while Yaz moved through her room to the door. Yaz was similarly dressed in comfortable oversized shorts and shirt. Her hair glistened from a recent brush out. 

Yaz wasn’t wearing a brassier. For some reason the Doctor had noticed that, and Yaz was noticing her attention. It was awkward. 

Yaz cleared her throat slightly and the Doctor met her eyes. “O my stars I’m sorry. Eyes front soldier” the Doctor looked into the deep pools of Yaz’s dark, smiling eyes. 

“Would you like to come in Doctor?” The Doctor nodded and took a seat in the small sitting area. “Yaz kept prompting, surprised by the Doctor’s unusual silence. “What brings you here tonight?” It was Yaz’s stomach’s turn to do flips. Her speech about wanting more time with the Doctor was pretty foreword. 

“I’m a dangerous person to be around Yaz. Even more dangerous to . . . be how I think we both want to be, with.”

Yaz boldly took the Doctor’s hand in both of hers. “I know the risk. My life is risk, and I would risk so much to be right here right now. You took me home but I’m choosing to keep travelling. Travelling with you.”

The Doctor added her other hand into the mix. “Yaz, I, think I’d really like that. I like you, like travelling with you, I’d like more time with you, more of you. “. They both blushed at that, she’d said more than she meant, more than she was ready for. Perhaps coming over at bedtime in her pyjamas was a mistake, sending the wrong idea. “That was . . . More than I was hoping to say . . . Yet. “Yasmin Khan, would you be my girlfriend?”

Yaz’s stomach dropped like she was in free fall. She didn’t trust herself to speak just yet, so she nodded. For what felt like hours or half a second they hung there, hands holding, stomachs falling, electricity flying between them. Yaz moved her thumb on the Doctor’s hand. 

“I want more of you, but not yet. When I thought I’d only get a few days with you, I knew I wanted you, wanted you to, to be” Yaz looked away for a second, gathering her thoughts. “You were , are so amazing I want you to be my first. But we have time now. “

“Yaz, beautiful, honest brave Yaz. I thought the same.” The weight of the Doctor’s confession hung in the air. “In this body, as a woman. I want you to be mine, but not like that, not tonight. “. The Doctor brought their four hands to her mouth and lightly kissed Yaz’ knuckle. 

She got up, went to the door, then turned back for one second. “This is gonna be fun” she exclaimed before practically skipping back to her room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying the slow build. I will write a smut chapter to finish up purgatory if I get requests in the comments here or there.


	12. Shrove Tuesday - Confession time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor opens her heart and speaks her painful truths to Yaz.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Confession is good for the soul. Emotional intimacy ahead.

At breakfast the next morning nothing and everything changed. Yaz’ hand stayed a moment longer than it had to on the Doctor’s shoulder as she squeezed by to make her coffee. As the four of them ate breakfast the Doctor ‘s knee rested against Yaz’. 

None of this was new, but it was different. Ryan and Graham had no idea, though they appreciated that everyone seemed to be in better spirits. 

The load of guilt for kidnapping her companions off her shoulders, the Doctor tries to show them all a good time. Especially Yaz, she lived to see that open, broad faced grin. 

When things went wrong, which they sometimes did, Yaz was exactly who she needed to resolve the issue with the turtles. Her police training made her a good negotiator and de escalator. She was the ice to the Doctor ‘s fire. 

They had a lot of fun, and no one got hurt, at least not until the mine incident. 

Yaz woke up first, police instincts kicking in, determined the gang was all there and no imminent danger. 

Seeing the Doctor was the only one actually unconscious worried her, but she couldn’t get any answers. She understood patient confidentiality, but without getting graphic, girlfriend and partner, wasn’t enough to be considered family for someone without ID.

Despite being wounded the Doctor protected them all from the P’Ting. Yaz saw the Doctor most fully alive while she described the beauty of the antimatter drive. 

Back on the Tardis, the Doctor leaned back against Yaz on the purple sofa late after the men went to bed. 

“Are you a professor, Doctor? You came alive while you were teaching.”

The Doctor smiled softly. “I have been, I was for quite a while before I met you. ‘‘Twas brilliant - the students and their questions . . . Some weren’t even students . . .”. The Doctor trailed off wistfully. Yaz felt movement and realized the Doctor was sobbing silently. Yaz waited patiently, stroking the blonde hair.

“Some of the students were pretty special” Yaz offered a simple paraphrase as she had been taught to show she was listening. 

“Bill” The Doctor offered and was overcome again.  
When she could speak again she started apologizing. “I’m such a mess. I’m so sorry”

“I’m not”. Yaz interrupted. “After a major incident we have to talk about it, they’ll send us for counselling before we can return to duty if they think we haven’t got it sorted. You gotta get it out. “

“I can’t burden you with this Yaz”

“I’m your girlfriend. You can tell me.”

Something about the intimacy of how they were sitting without eye contact but yet so close loosened the Doctor’s tongue, and she spoke of the cyber men, the woman who waited but still was transformed, and Nardole and a hint of Missy and the Master all spilled into the gentle space Yaz had made. 

They hugged and cried. Yaz looked into the Doctor’s hazel eyes. “Confession is good for the soul. You feeling better? “

“Yes, but if we are confessing things I’ve got one more. I really want to kiss you right now, but I can’t. “

“Mmhmmm” Yaz waited for the other shoe to drop. “Why not?”

The Doctor whispered in her ear “if I kiss you now I won’t want to stop until we’ve both come, and I’m not ready for that. 

Heart racing Yaz replied “me too, on both counts.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #lentfic #shrovetuesday  
> Responding to my lent fic prompt “Shrove Tuesday” comes from the old verb to shrive - confess - before lent. Mardi Gras - get all your sinning out of your system. Use up all your lard making pancakes and get ready for heart journey into lent.


	13. Ashes to ashes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angsty conversation about life and death in fulfillment of lent fic Ash Wednesday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soul baring angsty

Yaz and the Doctor sat in the doorway of the open Tardis, staring into space. Ryan and Graham were playing a very competitive gin rummy in their lounge. 

Yaz talked about growing up Muslim. She talked about the long conversation with her mother and grandmother about whether she wanted to wear a hijab to school, about how she had chosen to fast for Ramadan the first time. She spoke of her grandfather’s death. 

The Doctor listened, dropped a few names, told a few of her own tales, but mostly she listened. 

Then Yaz turned to her. “How old are you?”

“What, I don’t know? Old enough”

“Seriously Doctor, how old? What is your name? I am baring my soul over here. “

“Would telling you I’m approaching 2200 help? Or that I’ve lost count? I fought a war for a millennium once rather than speak my name. The name that matters is the name I chose - Doctor. “

The Doctor’s words were spoken with a gentleness that belied the harsh message behind them. For her part, Yaz nodded in acceptance but kept asking. “Can you die completely or do you always regenerate?”

“Regeneration feels like dying, but I can die. I have eleven more faces after this one. Normally we only get thirteen, but I got a new set. Like a set of steak knives as a gift for saving my planet. The thousand year war saved my people.”

Yaz could see the ghosts in the Doctor’s eyes and wondered if she had awakened memories beat left to rest. She looked as deeply as she could through the ghosts to see her beloved Doctor, who was still there, grinning as she wiped tears. Yaz took the Doctor’s pale hands in her own. “Thank you Doctor. We are both star dust and will return to it one day”

“Brilliant Yaz” The Doctor grinned broadly, dropping one hand to wipe a single tear from Yaz’ cheek.


	14. Cuddletime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically some making out that doesn’t advance the plot, just for fun, and I’ve neglected this fic too long.

Yaz and the Doctor did nothing to hide their new relationship status, but Ryan and Graham never really seemed to notice. Once or twice Yaz thought she saw Ryan give them a knowing look, but then he’d brush it off with “you two are inseparable, time sisters you are. “

The doctor had taken to lying down with Yaz as she fell asleep. They would kiss and cuddle, but nothing more intimate, not yet. The Doctor was very careful about where she did and did not touch, but Yaz gradually grew more daring. 

“I’m glad you went with a simple sports bra, it suits you.” Yaz tentatively stroked the Doctor’s side, feeling the extra layer of fabric. 

The Doctor murmured a groan, and Yaz appreciated the sound so much she repeated the action on the other side.  
“Mmmm feels nice” the Doctor sighed, and rubbed Yaz’ pyjama-clad back carefully, until Yaz turned and placed the Doctor’s hand on her side. 

“Just for a minute, but turn around is fair play”. Yaz lay blissed out for a moment as the Doctor held the weight of her breast in her hand. 

Needing to take control of herself and the situation, Yaz moved her hands back to the Doctor’s back and kissed her deeply, tongue tracing the ridges of the Doctor’s mouth, then sucking the time-lord’s tongue into her own, before releasing her with a quick peck on the lips. 

“But now I really do need some sleep, my Doctor”.

The next morning Yaz was being dropped off for her Nan’s birthday, where she would receive an intriguing present.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading my attempt at pointless erotica. 
> 
> This fic got a bit derailed when I saw Ryan give them a knowing look, but I’d like to keep going with it if I can find my creativity and a bit of time.

**Author's Note:**

> Author appreciates all comments and Kudos.


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